The Big Blank Spot in My Mind

Someone, somewhere out there noticed I was gone. At least that's what you tell yourself when the illness has finally gotten the best of you.

But even geniuses need a little vacation now and then. Especially geniuses with ADEM.

If you've bothered to read anything about ADEM, you know now that it's a disease that attacks the white matter of the brain indiscriminately (like its chronic cousin Multiple Sclerosis).

One day it may affect your vision. One day it may affect your coordination. And though the quality of your thinking is largely unaffected, the clarity can be severly affected.

Some days, it's like there's a big blank spot in your mind that you just can't reach. Those are the worst days: when your very raison d'etre is sitting there just beyond your grasp.

Maybe you can understand, maybe you can't.

It's not like I've learned to live with this from childhood. I was an adult for nearly 20 years before this happened.

And there's not a thing in the world I could have done to prevent it.

Only God can heal me now.